Choose Ye, but there are consequences...

I just read a post at a blog I follow about what would happen if your teen decided they didn't want to attend church anymore. It can be found here, MormonMomma . Here's the comment I left following the post:

I just taught our Relief Society lesson this weekend using Elder Lawrence’s Conf talk from Oct ’10 on Courageous Parenting, so I’ve been thinking about things like this lately.

I think it’s important to have Agency, but realize that there are consequences to every decision. To let your children choose to stay home, without any adverse consequences, is not teaching them to make the RIGHT choices. You wouldn’t just let them stay home from school, would you? If we were “sick” enough to stay home, then we were too “sick” to play, right?


I have also heard recently that if you raise your children right, in the gospel, then they will be better prepared to return to you, no matter what the situation. I do believe that a good, open relationship with your children is important in any case. They should know why you believe what you do, why you wish them to follow, and what will happen if they don’t.


One last point, if your teen does choose to not attend church, I’d think they’d still have to follow your rules of the house, which would include family prayer, study, and FHE. They should still have the same rules when out with friends, and standards that they would if they were attending. They could essentially be still “living” the gospel without attending the meetings. This could get them past this tangled point in their growth until they decide to come back. And, if they don’t they will still be better prepared to handle adult decisions.

Safe and secure?

Being in a military community for all of these years, I think I've gotten a false sense of security. I've never had to deal with much crime, or fear of crime. With ID checks to get onto the military base, we falsely think we are immune to the impulses of criminals. That's stuff that happens "off-base," right?  Or what about those of us living in small communities, or primarily "mormon" locations? I have family on the mainland that rarely locks their doors.

Almost a year ago, we heard tales of some that may have been gaining access to our base housing over the fences and trying to access homes. I believe they were caught, or it went away, but we didn't hear any more.

Then a few weeks ago, I found out a friend of mine had a stroller taken out of her garage by a woman passing by. In broad daylight. That seems kind of bold, but still could have been a small, one-time incident.

So, Friday morning, when I was awakened at 4:50am by a car alarm, I didn't think much of it. Someone accidentally set it off, I thought. But, when I left the house just before 9am, I found the street covered with police and neighbors out checking homes and cars. Someone had had a hey-day heading down our street, vandalizing and thieving along the way.

I think that we may be initially shocked when things happen that we didn't see coming, things we don't understand. Like criminal acts. I know that at the first report, I was shocked-- at first. And, then again, when I heard the second report. But, it went away and a sense of security returned.

But, when it really affected us, this last time, that's when it really hit me. That you never know how safe you are. Living on a military base, or in a Utah community, you never know.

So, how can we really feel safe? I figure we do what we can to protect ourselves and our family, and we put the rest in the Lord's hands. The faithful part of me believes that living right and making good choices will be all of the protection we should need. But, then that would mean that bad things don't happen to good people. Which I know is not true.

Then, the cynical part of me believes that the Lord helps those that help themselves. So, a certain level of our safety and security is up to us. So maybe that is the answer...it's a little, or a lot, of both. We take precautions. We teach our children safe practices. Then we pray for God to watch over us and keep us safe.

I love hearing my children in our evening prayer asking for their Heavenly Father to watch over them and those we love. I do it too. But I love that, for them, it IS that simple. Their faith is that pure. Another example of greatness by our pure and precious children...

Dear Eve, Mother of Man

Today I was chatting with a pregnant friend about possible baby names for her awaited little girl. She said she has recently considered "Eve" but wasn't set on it. Despite our understanding of Eve's essential role in the progress of man the rest of Christianity views her as having made a terrible mistake.

It brought to mind another recent instance where a FB friend of mine had posted that the life of Eve is an encouragement to her. She then went on to say that she, "can relate to a woman who has really made a mess of things," and that "God uses the life of Eve to remind us that we all make mistakes and are broken and wounded people." My first thought was, "how sad!"

Eve was a glorious, strong woman, willing to make a choice that would remove her and Adam from their idealic life. Making the choice to give them the opportunity for progress. To finally know pain, but to also know true joy. To play a role in a plan to bring all of us to this earth to be challenged and grow.

Other faiths don't understand the necessity of her choice. They don't respect her for the decision. It's sad that her name may be associated with "mistakes" and "broken." From my heart, I say, thank you. Thank you for your strength. For your love of our Heavenly Father. For choosing a life that may not have been easy, but was worth it.

A Bumpy Road to Sunday Serenity

I take my family to church every week. As a matter of fact, in over a year and a half, I’ve missed 3 Sundays; one stake conference and two days when my grandma passed away, and I went to the mainland for a week. So, for me, Sundays are a day to get away from everyday life. To focus on my faith, my family, and build my spiritual reservoirs for the week ahead. I can’t remember a time when I just wanted to get up and leave church. I’m usually running toward church, not away. I feel good being there and am always glad that I’ve gone.

So, yesterday, when we were rushing to church, I was ok. When I “unknowingly” pulled into a handicap spot, then caught my scarf in the mechanism of the van door and it wouldn’t budge, I was dipping, but still ok. Tugging and tugging, a little help from a passerby, and I was able to get it closed. Then, when I finally got inside, Sabrina said there were no seats.

Row after row were “saved” by scriptures and bags, and a few people here and there. So, we ended up sitting in one that just had some sheet music sitting on the bench. Turns out, I think it was being saved by a member of the bishopric for his family. (Doesn’t everyone know that scriptures are the agreed upon “savers” for a bench in church?) I felt a little bad over that…

Anyway, I was walking down the aisle and one of my leaders told me that an activity we’d been working on for over 6 months (and had already been thwarted twice) was going to be cancelled by a newly scheduled stake emergency fair on the same date, I was definitely NOT ok.

I went out to move my car…(in my feeble defense, the handicap symbol was faded and not readily seen). I actually thought about driving away, to just keep going, and crawl back in bed. But my 3 kids sat on a bench awaiting my return. So, I sucked it up, and went back inside.

I sat through the meeting, really trying to not let this news get the best of me. Following which, I ran into one of my daughter’s leaders and was informed that the girls camp that had been cancelled was now being done on a ward level, and the cost per girl is going to be $200.PER.GIRL. AAAACK!

A friend caught up to me and asked “how’s it going…?” Wrong timing…A series of unfortunate events were scheming to steal my Sunday serenity. Instead of my spiritual tank being filled, it had been drained. I wish I could not be frustrated. I wish I could be more flexible. I wish that I harbored no ill will toward those putting me in the position of regretting going to church today. But, I’m not that person, not yet…

I actually made it through the three hours of meetings. Without too many silent tears, I’m proud to add. When we pulled into our shared driveway, and our new neighbor was getting her girls out of the car, I was really just focused on just getting in the house and letting it all out. When Sabrina commented that “we need to meet our new neighbor.” I replied with a snarky, “so you can play with her little kids?” Even as I said it, I felt a little bad.

The kids went into the house, and I stuck around to make sure all of our church gear made it out of the car. The neighbor came back out to clean out her car, and asked me where I went to church. I told her it was an LDS church in the Halawa area. She asked if it was far, and what ward we were in. **LIGHTBULB** (Not many non-LDS people even know the word “ward”.) So, I asked if she was LDS. She said she’d grown up in an LDS family, and her daughter that will come for the summer goes to church.

I told her that I could give her information or let her follow me to church some week. She then asked me, “How about next week?” I may have actually dropped my jaw to the ground. What an amazing interaction! Prompted by my 14 year old daughter’s sweet spirit. Thank goodness she was in-tune, when I was not. A day that had been one disappointment after another had turned out to be a glorious opportunity to help someone that may have been looking for something.

I believe the Lord puts people in our path that need us, and that sometimes we need to be needed. After this experience, I was able to spend my Sunday evening trying to fill my reserves back up.  Instead of letting the day get the best of me, I got the best I could out of the day. What a blessing!

He knows me...

A couple of months ago, the kids and I went to visit a dear friend while we were home for my grandmother's funeral. I had a long, sweet conversation about our similar current situations, recent moves prompting changes, etc.

I told her how rough it's been for me to find my groove in our new life. With McKenna in school, I had been having a rough time figuring out what that meant for me, a stay-at-home mom for the past 6 years. I was trying to enjoy the free time in the morning. I was working out 3-4 times a week, but not seeing any wanted results. I was catching up on TV, and feeling pretty blah. I was blog hopping, overwhelmed at the amount of fun stuff out there. I wanted to go to lunch, but had no one to go with. Everything is so expensive here, and I wasn't bringing in any money. I had been thinking about getting a part-time job, but having a hard time working it in without it being hard on my family.

So, this dear friend told me to sit down and really ask for my Heavenly Father to help me to find my way. She told me that if I wanted to find the perfect job, Heavenly Father loved me and would help me.

So, I took her advice...after I returned, I really focused on asking Him to give me what he felt I needed...that I would find a position that would help the family financially, and have the least impact on my family. I applied for a couple of things, struggling to find something during their short school day, and considering all the extra days off for Furlough Fridays.

I then received an email that a position was opening at Sabrina's school in the lunchroom. I thought, "perfect!" It was during the school days, furloughs and holidays off...summer off. I went down the next morning, filled out applications, interviewed, and received a positive sendoff to await a call for fingerprinting as a final step.

Later that week, I hadn't heard anything, so I called and was told they were still collecting applications and would be doing formal interviews the next week...strange...but I was still hopeful. At this point, though, I was starting to really think about the position. It wasn't a lot of money, and it would mean an end to ALL of my free time. The only time I'd be home would be with the kids.

Also, I was realizing what my calling at church is going to require. That week, a friend of mine was in the hospital with complications prior to her delivery. I visited her twice, and watched a couple of her kids overnight when her child was born. I had presidency meetings, and a girl's-only trip to the movies. I had lunch with a new lady in the ward that I was really clicking with. I chaperoned a field trip for Hayden. I had lunch with Dennis. I was busy. I was fulfilled. And, I was enjoying myself. I started to understand that I would lose all of that for a minimal amount of money.

I was raised to honor commitments, so I struggled with turning down the position. I had interviewed a second time, but was now losing interest. I began to pray to Heavenly Father over the decision to accept the position, even if my heart wasn't in it. By Friday, I had all but decided to tell them I would be unable to do it. Then, Saturday, the letter came that they had selected another applicant. I rejoiced!

Thank you! Thank you for knowing me. For loving me. For helping me see, in a few short days a clearer path. I am now more excited than ever to plan and carry out activities to bring the sisters of our ward together. To be available to visit and help those in need. To be there should my children require me to run their instrument to school, chaperone a field trip, schedule a dental appt. Within a month's time our finances have gotten smoother, and I feel really good about where we are right now.

I believe He will answer our prayers. He loves us. He knows us and our needs...even when we don't. He. Knows. Me.